In the Lilly Fields

I forget which number I was up to..

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:14:57 GMT

Everything was fine until today... I think I broke up with Rockboy. I love him, I really do and its just gut wrenching that I've had to break up with him but nothing else has worked. He lies to me, mostly just about small things but it makes me feel like an idiot. What makes it worse is that every time I tell him that I don't like it he promises he'll try harder to be honest with me but he doesn't.

I've threatened to break up with him a thousand times before because of it and never have because I love him so much, but I can't do it any more, I cant cope with his lies. They're mostly about the way he's feeling; he's always had problems expressing himself (beyond telling me that he loves me; he finds that awful easy these days). Its gotten to the point now where if I notice there's a problem and ask he'd rather just say "nothing" and then be awful to me because he's in a foul mood.

I understand not wanting to share black moods with other people, and if, when I asked him, he replied "I don't want to talk about it" then I'd understand but he doesn't he says "there's nothing wrong, honest" and then proceeds to be really moody making me think I've done something to put him in a bad mood when I haven't.

I also have a problem with it because its like he doesn't trust me with his feelings and he's supposed to be in love with me. I'd understand if it was just sometimes that he didn't tell me what was up but its all of the time. He doesn't even express when he's had a bad day, he'd rather leave up to me to get upset before apologising for his awful behaviour and giving me a hug, every single time.

Am I over reacting? Should I not have broken up with him? I'm so confused and numb and I just want to be happy and I want him to be happy and I want us to be normal and I conclude thats it horrible to grow up with someone that you're in love with. Why can't it be impossible for human-beings to love until we're considered mature and grounded?

I'm sad.

Forty Three

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 23:08:22 GMT

Did a shoot recently, here's a pic as proof. *laugh* Sorry about the cleveageness...

Forty Two

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 22:55:28 GMT

I'm trying to figure out why russian people keep adding me...I get the impression they don't speak english from the fact that their journals are souly in russian (I guess russian) but I don't speak it, nor do I read the alphabet so I have no idea what they have to say for themselves and I wonder if they have any idea what I'm writing about. Odd.

Lilly
x

Forty One

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:46:49 GMT

Not so much to report. Seen far too much of Rockboy and yet I want more.... work is as usual, boring, getting pierced next saturday, had my hair cut on monday and am having it done again on monday, have a photoshoot in manchester on monday but don't think I can afford the pictures...still trying to design my tattoo...

Lilly
x

Thirty Eight

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 11:58:53 GMT

I absolutely can not imagine what it would be like to lose a parent. As much as I consider my mother a pain in the backside and as turbulent as our relationship can be I don't know what I'd do without her. I know this has seemingly come from nowhere but I just read an entry by a LJ user called hippypaul about him missing his parents and it got me to thinking about the Ex- he lost his mother this year essentially to MS and even though I cried when I found out I don't think I ever really appreciated exactly how it must have felt for him.

It was a difficult situation for me to really understand and there have been biases that have kept me from even trying to consider his feelings- he hurt me when he broke up with me for his new girlfriend, even if I never really felt anything for him beyond "extended friendship" and so when his mother died I felt nothing more than a pang of personal sorrow because I had known her.

I don't suppose he would have wanted me to feel pity for him anyway, but I haven't considered since then that he might have wanted time to digest what had happened to him; at nineteen years of age he lost a mother who had, for his entire life, been far too ill to be a real influence on his life. And all I've done is spent the last few months complaining about what an arse he is- not that the death of a close relative should ever be an excuse for being an arse.

In future I will try to be more considerate and less discriminating especially towards him and his new girlfriend, we've been over now for nearly a year and I've been holding onto my bitterness for all of this time. I have to move on and I don't know why I'm finding it so hard to, perhaps it comes from the complications with Rockboy, who knows. Either way, its time I let go.

And back to the original point of this entry, I love my parents and even though I know they're not reading this I wanted to express how much I love them, both my mother and my father-with whom I am especially close. They mean the world to me and as much as I hate to admit it sometimes without them I wouldn't be who I am today.

~Lilly

Writer's Block: The Meaning of Love

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 09:48:37 GMT

What does love mean to you, and why? Have you always felt this way?

Submitted By rynanne

View 500 Answers

Love is, to me, an awful scary concept. Love means letting go of defenses, admitting to something that makes you vulnerable. I can't give a more in depth answer because I don't think I've ever been in love. So there is another one, Love is elusive- it tricks you into thinking you feel it when really its, I don't know...indigestion. (sorry, little bitterness remains after breakup with the Ex).

Yeah, I've pretty much always felt this way, I used to express it as "Love does not exist, its a manmade emotion...blah blah blah" when really I'm just scared of exactly what love means.

Lilly
x

Thirty Six

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 21:35:56 GMT

Back to work tomorrow. *grumble*

Got called "Sugar Muffin" today. *laugh*

Housemates left for London leaving me with a £60 electricity bill to pay. *sob*

And that concludes a brief few moments with Lilly.

xx

Thirty Four

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 20:52:34 GMT

Got my eyebrow pierced today. It didn't really hurt like I thought it would. In fact it hurt less than my nose piercing did. When I got my nose pierced my eyes streamed not because it hurt but it stung, there was no eye watering for the eyebrow piercing. I like it but you can't see it so much at the moment because in the past three weeks my fringe has grown out almost completely.

Its sort of a good thing it can't be seen really because I don't think my boss will be too impressed when she finds out. In a few weeks time I'm going to get my fringe cut again and then take it out at work and wear a retainer. I'll put a picture up later was going to do it now but my battery has run out on my camera...stupid thing.

I said I'd post pictures of my hair and totally forgot so I'll do that now even though its been dyed and grown out since the pictures were taken but nevermind. The first picture is from before, waaaay before because by the time picture two was taken you'll see that the dye has faded completely. Ignore the stupid emo pose in picture one, my daft brother was having laugh, and the second picture I look pissed off because, well, I didn't like the fringe. Now I've grown used to is and its grown out! Getting it cut shorter next time.

Aha, camera is working, so here are a couple of new pictures of my piercing. The flash went a bit crazy in these photos so I'm looking uber pale but meh, whatever.

There we go. Anyways, must fly.
xx

Thirty One

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 21:20:03 GMT

So today was...fun? I went to work, only it doesn't feel like I've been working; I'm not as tired as I normally am after pot wash on a thursday although I'm just as greasy. The boss has been on holiday in Ireland and so there has been a more chilled atmosphere at work, which is nice. I still finished at the same time as usual, about 4.45 even though we were pretty much dead...I think its because I had quite a lot to wash at the end of the day from the kitchen clean down.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, its the first Friday back at work where all three original Friday waitresses are actually waitressing. I love working on a Friday, the other girls make me laugh so much. They make jokes about my inherent forgetfulness (I always, without fail, lose my waitress pad simply by placing it somewhere behind the bar and forgetting where) and about my being "too happy" (I tend to dance behind the bar to whatever is playing on the sound system, and by dance I mean a really cheesy routine).

The close of today was bloody horrible and left me in tears because I had no idea what I was doing with myself. My landlord rang me this morning before work to say that she'd spoken to British Gas with regards to our bill (because we haven't had one yet) and she'd decided to put the account in my name. Now she did this with out asking me and it annoyed me because now I'm legally liable if others dont pay the bill. But it was too early in the morning to fathom what she was saying so I just said yes a lot and hung up. After work I spoke to my Dad about it because I'm slightly worried that my housemates (who are moving out in a week or so) are trying to stiff me for the bill. I can't afford to pay all of it since they are responsible for 2/3rds of the bill and I don't want to be legally liable if they don't pay up.

I got all confused and upset and generally scared about being presented with a MASSIVE bill to pay that I simply wont be able to sort. It was yucky and I shouted at my dad a lot, which I didn't mean to do but he was stressing me out. Then I took it out on Rockboy via text message although he was very reasonable and even spoke to his friend's landlord (Rockboy doesn't have one, he still lives at home...awww) about what s/he thought of it all. Either way, I'm going to ask my landlord to put the account in her name, I'll still be in charge of paying it but that way I'm not legally liable if HER tenants don't pay up- sound fair to you? I think it is, we've signed seperate tenancy agreements to be in that house so I shouldn't have to be responsible for others not paying up, right?

Gah, I hate responsibility...sucks.

xx

Thirty

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:05:37 GMT

So I really want cheesecake but I'm twenty minutes from anywhere where I'd buy cheesecake. Thing is I really really want cheesecake. I'm soo hungry and I have nothing in the house, almost literally nothing...just onions, pasta, rice and vegetable stock. boo hiss.

I have a question to ask...which do you say, "pot calling the kettle black" or "cat calling the kettle black" because I say the former but earlier Rockboy used the latter and when I laughed and corrected him he said that his phrase was correct in yorkshire. So I typed "cat calling the kettle black" into google and I got a few returns but not many and certainly nothing from any sites about idioms...so is he right, or just a fool? I mean, his doesn't even make sense, mine does. Crazy.

xx

Writer's Block: In the Event of a Zombie Emergency

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 21:10:53 GMT

Are you prepared for a zombie outbreak, or are you just going to wing it?

View 500 Answers

Haha. Love it. Well I personally am not prepared, however in the event of a zombie outbreak I'm going to make like Shaun of the Dead and head for the pub. There is a picture up on the wall of the best pub in town that states its been zombie free since 2000 and something. Super.

xx

Twenty Six

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 20:34:01 GMT

Well I'm home from the Place Up North for a few days. I was becoming decidedly fed up with being alone and at work all of the time so I took some time off and came to visit my parents. Its been a good break; the first night I arrived home at 8 o'clock, spent an hour and a half with my parents and then went to my best friend's house. Sunday I spent in a committee meeting for GYTS and then at a rehearsal for the Hot Mikado and today I went for a coffee with another friend and then to The Gap for a meal.

But my parents have done nothing but row this evening. My father is a bear with a sore head because he's had an operation and my mother has been criticized at work for simply doing her job. But they do get ridiculous about absolutely nothing; its tiring to watch them acting like a couple of five year olds. ;)

Off to nottingham tomorrow and wednesday so I'll check in then.

ciao

Lilly

Twenty-Five

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:47:54 GMT

Okay, so I got my hair cut on tuesday. It looks no different to before, except that now you can see my eyebrows because the crazy hairdresser thought it'd be cool to cut me a really short fringe (bangs). It doesn't look bad its just makes me look quite different and doesn't really suit the rest of the hairdo. Either way, I'll post pictures soon and you'll be able to see why I'm disappointed (I'll post and old pic too for comparison) I wanted choppy layers, instead I got two inches chopped off. ::sigh:: AAh well, never mind, I might just ask her to chop it again. If she says she doesn't want to then I'll just go somewhere else.

Just finished watching Pan's Labyrinth. In my infinite ignorance I had not realised that it was actually a Spanish film. I enjoyed it nonetheless, although it has depressed me somewhat. War-time related movies always get me choked; I'm super affected by the fact that the terribleness of the events portrayed in such movies was once so real. I did feel that the storyline might have been padded out a little more, the Pan side of it anyway as I felt that it was just a little flat but I'm a big fan of fantasy so perhaps maybe its a biased opinion.

Okay, so its been one week since I made an entry and d'you know, I've not done a lot to report. I've been at work every day except Sunday and today and on both Sunday and today I have done nothing. Well, I cashed a nice cheque today and had a coffee with a friend but thats it and on Sunday I did literally nothing all day, except sleep.

Went to the Parish pub quiz on Monday as usual but took a friend with me this time, she's a complete train wreck and a super bad influence on me and I got so very very drunk. Ended up sending an uncharacteristically dirty text message to a certain someone who thank the Lord almighty didn't seem to have a problem with it. Although no mention of it has been made since my apologies by text yesterday.

He came to visit last night and we watched Alien vs Predator 2 (I think) mindless alien violence with practically no point and lots of fake blood. It wasn't too bad I suppose. ;) Can't say I'd choose to watch it again but it was that or Ninja Scrolls the movie, which I've seen or another one I've seen and can't remember for the life of me, oh Eight Legged Freaks I think. Perhaps I should have opted for watching that again.

Could do with purchasing another Anime film to watch, I've exhausted my current collection but I've no idea what else to watch so any suggestions would be peachy.

Anyway, this was just a quick note to say hullo. Hope everyone's okay and things are going smoothly in life.

kisses,
Lilly

Twenty-Four

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 19:20:35 GMT

Well, I've still not had my hair cut, its round about the fourth time my hairdresser has let me down since I asked her to cut it. ::grr:: Hopefully I should be getting it done on tuesday. Not going ginger any more- decided I don't want to fry my hair. Will post pictures though, when I remember to charge up my camera.

I'd like to thank imlovingcobra and greatantidote for offering their advice with regards to my ranting about Rockboy and I'd also like to apologise in advance about the great deal of whining I'll probably do in future about him. This is the only place where I get to express the way I feel without discrimination and without it getting back to him.

::sigh::

Unspoken

Why don't you say it?
So help me God, just say it.
Don't bite your lip, go on say it.
Stop stalling your speech,
please say it.

Stop talking, don't say it.
Just say what you mean
or don't say it.
Speak in honesty,
or just don't say it.

Why wont you say it?
Stop playing around, say it.
Don't tell me lies and just say it.
Start telling the truth,
and say it.

Such silence, won't say it.
Lost for words, and so
we wont say it.
For all of the shit
we wont say it.

Simple

Have you ever spent an afternoon
watching the clouds,
lying soft in the grass,
staring up at the sky?
I have.

The little things that make me smile,
I've done time
and time again,
like running the streets like an aeroplane.
Such happiness.

Each time I think of those things
I think of you.
They make me feel
just the same way that you make me feel,
like a child.

Sometimes I pretend as though
I don't mind
that you tangle me up
because feeling tangled is thrilling.
Makes me cry too.

Sometimes I remember that I like it
the way it is,
messy like life.
You care when you want to care,
and that's okay.

Always I remind myself that its better
to be cared for
sometimes than not at all.
You make me feel special occasionally,
in your own way.

Always I think about those who've
let me down
You've never let me down
Maybe that's why I care like I do,
that'd be sad.

Of course I often find myself wondering,
what if you did
look at me and see
the girl that could make you feel just like
you make me feel?

But I brush those thoughts away,
because I care
and I couldn't bare
to lose the one friend who makes me laugh
that way.

So I go back to those thoughts
of the afternoons
spent playing
and I'm happy again because I remember
childhood was simple.

There, thats all from me.
xx

Writer's Block: Caring

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:50:32 GMT

The person I care about most in my life? Family wise it'd be my brother. I know it should be wrong to choose between parents and siblings but if I was being brutally honest then I'd have to say my brother because he's also one of my best friends.

Friends wise; well I don't have many of those but right now I'd have to say Rockboy and Miss Vanitie Caise because they've really looked after me. I love them both. And for those who know who I'm talking about that word "love" is not to be taken out of context please!

xx

Twenty-Three

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 21:34:41 GMT

Had a shitty day at work- pot washing mmmm...I hate it but I need the money. The usual Friday pot washer is off tomorrow and so instead of waitressing I'll be doing it all again. God, I hate it.

Getting my hair cut on Sunday. I want cute emo hair, I am by no means an emo but the usual hair cut of the scene/emo girl is too cute. I'm thinking of going ginger too, which is a stretch because I've got black hair at the moment but my hairdresser seemed to think it would be possible.

Going to keep the black in my fringe though because I just HAVE to be different. I like people to look at me even if it is just for my hair. I don't have many other good attributes so the hair is a talking point.

Whilst I'm sort of against people really knowing who I am on this thing, I may even post pictures
.
Ciao for now.

Twenty Two

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:53:59 GMT

Well, yesterday (I forget if I mentioned) I was meant to tell Rockboy that we were better off not doing the "friends but kissing" thing. Its fucked up; we're supposed to be friends and I'm sorry if I've got this completely wrong but friends don't do that and if they do then I've been missing out for an awfully long time! ;p

Anyway the point is, I didn't manage it. Firstly, he looked super hot; he's had his hair cut and whilst the new style has the potential to look a complete mess yesterday it most certainly was not that. Secondly, he kissed me and I like his kisses so much that after that telling him that I didn't want him to do it any more was, well it didn't seem like a very good idea at the time.

Stupid, I suppose at the end of the day all they are, are kisses and thats not such a bad thing but I don't understand why he does it, after all they are just that. Kisses. Nothing else, just kisses. Odd. I know I just like his kisses that why I let him, but whats in it for him? *confusion* Ah well, I promised myself I wasn't going to question his motives.

I do think it should stop, when I think about it practically or else its going to end in tears. Mine probably. See I have to be so careful because I don't want to get too attached. I mean as it stands now I'm happy with just being friends (and the occasional kiss) and I don't want it to become anything more for me because I know its not like that for him, but if the kssing continues I'm afraid my woman's brain is going to start feeling things it shouldn't.

He apolgised again yesterday, said he didn't want to mess me about. I pointed out that he's not messing me about because I've never once expressed doubt to him. He knows that generally speaking I don't want another relationship preferably EVER. I'm quite happy being single so long as I'm not alone or feeling unloved. So, yeah on that note what I have with him is pretty ideal; we're friends and he makes me feel appreciated and at the end of the day I go to bed not having to worry about complicated relationship politics.

Maybe I don't want him to stop? Maybe I'm just listening to others and not thinking about what I really want. Thats the problem with me; I'm far too convinced by what other people have to say and then I forget what it is that I want. Shmeh. I'll have to do some more thinking.

Twenty One

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:17:59 GMT

Well, its a new day and I guess I'm feeling slightly better! Rock Boy is coming over to visit today, apparantly. (For those of you who are new to my journal and don't know this, Rock Boy is one of my best friends who I'm rather attracted to. He's a wee bit of a player but I fall for it every time. We've never slept together but we do have more of an intimate relationship than is considered healthy for "just friends". And I'm stuck between not caring about this because I don't want a serious relationship and caring very much about this because I a) don't want to be another one of his "girls" and b) don't want to form an attachment when I know it wont be reciprocated. *sigh*)

He does have a habit of letting me down though, although I guess that statement is a little unfair because he hasn't done so recently, not even slightly. Nevertheless it wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't show. I'm craving a vanilla milkshake- the kind you get from McDonalds. I don't even like McDonalds, just the milkshake but is it work walking twenty minutes into town to get one? I'll have to have a think about it.

Ciao
xx

Twenty

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:07:22 GMT

I'm sooo bored. That's the problem with working only three days a week, having barely any friends and the ones that I do have being super busy. I have a cello lesson in 2 1/2 hours but I can't be bothered to lug my cello to Uni and I haven't done any practise for nearly two weeks. Its because of moving house, I've just not had the energy and I've been feeling more bi-polary than normal (forgive the almost insulting terminology there).

I'm happy generally, all things considered; you know the going slowly blind and deaf as well as dying very very slowly (and on occasion, painfully) and feeling like no one really cares that much. I try to pretend it isn't happening but secretly I want someone to just be there whilst I cry, I want someone to hold me whilst I break down but people have their own lives to deal with. I understand and appreciate that, its just sometimes its just too much for me.

Why do I feel like my life could be so much better if I were, I don't know, different in some way? I could do with being prettier, kinder, more thoughtful, less depressed, less whiney, more exciting, more confident. I could do with a general personality overhaul. I'm none too happy with me it would seem.

Ugh, I'm not doing so well this week, need to perk up a bit methinks. Need a happiness injection and by that I do not mean anything illegal.

< Edit:// oooh and for those of you who are interested, I got a first this year! Shame its my first year and doesn't count but nevermind.. >

Nineteen

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 23:38:13 GMT

This week has been a pile of crap...but only because I'm tired and feeling unnecessarily low. I'm sooo jealous and its getting me down, I wont explain because there may be spies *laugh* and to be honest I'm so fed up with people sticking their noses in my shit when I didn't ask them to. Why can't a person vent to a friend without said friend thinking its their right to "correct" all of the wrongs? And why can't two people of the opposite sex just be good friends without everyone expecting them to sleep together?

Its dragging me down, like it did before Christmas. I do just fine until others get involved; I know exactly what I want, I take it and I'm happy with it until someone starts to interfere and then I get confused because I can't differentiate between the opinion of the interferer and my own opinions. Because of that things fuck up and I end up miserable. Not that things have fucked up yet but I'm still miserable because I can see it happening. Again.

And back to the jealous thing. I am super of jealous of someone I don't even know. How ridiculous is that? Perhaps its only because of recent events because I've never been jealous of that person before. Even when that person had what I wanted more than anything I still wasn't jealous persay...but now I'm jealous, because all of a sudden that person has become more real to me and they weren't before. What I mean to say is this person has never been more than a name to me until recently.

Aaaaaah, need to scream!

Eighteen

Wed, 21 May 2008 13:27:01 GMT

Okay, so I'm super bored. Uni is finished but I'm not going home for another three weeks or so, the twelfth of june to be exact. Of course, I don't know why I don't just wait until the seventeenth because thats when I get my results. Then again, I can always get them whilst at home.

Mind you, my best friend back home isn't going to be back home over the holidays much. She's got a placement in Bristol and so will only be home at weekends. I very nearly didn't come home at all because, well because I hate living with my parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them to bits and my reasons for hating living with them aren't anything akin to a spooty teenager's reasons. We just don't get along if we spend so much time together, our personalities are far too conflicting and the thought of us having to put up with one another for more than a couple of weeks is not good.

I was going to stay with my current landlord; they're a commercial business- I don't live in a house, its student halls but they let over the summer. However, I'd have to pay the full price for the whole ten or so weeks and that's over five hundred pounds in one go. I do have the money but I couldn't then guarantee being able to afford to pay my first installment of rent for the first term.

Plus, I might get bored. I'm just going to have to work on avoiding my parents as much as possible so that we don't get on one another's nerves. Another problem with going home is my purple hair will have to go, which is such a shame because I only just coloured it- its an ace colour this time, super bright. Its going to fade in a couple of weeks but it'll just be sad having to dye over it in black again. I suppose my hair could do with a rest from being constantly dyed though and it will get three months worth of rest.

Course, when I get back to The Place up North I'll be bleaching it and dying it maybe green. Can't decide whether to dye the whole thing because I don't work over Christmas so I could have green hair from September till April before having to dye it a normal colour again. Then again, bleaching that much hair from black to light enough to dye green over the top will kill my hair. When I dyed it orange I couldn't do anything with it, it wouldn't even straighten properly. Perhaps I'll just stick to my fringe and the right hand front layers.

I shouted at the Ex the other day, feel a bit guilty because he probably didn't deserve it. Well, I didn't shout, I told him to shut up. In fairness, he was moaning to his housemates in front of me and that sort of stuff really really annoys me because I'm friends with them too. I perhaps shouldn't have been as harsh, no I really shouldn't have been harsh but I don't know, it pisses me off... he made a comment like "this isn't your fight" which is so true, and I wish he'd see that what he said was the whole point of my issue with him moaning in front of me. It isn't my fight, so I don't want to hear it, save it till I'm gone. Tell me I'm not being unreasonable?

I can, however, appreciate that my methods of expressing my upset are far from ideal. I called him names, a grumpy old man, to be specific, which I shouldn't have done because a) its childish and b) I know he doesn't like it. But, I was so mad mainly because he knows I really hate their house fudes being brought up in front of me. Well, the Girlfriend didn't speak to me today, its probably to do with that? I don't know, mebbe I've got that wrong but I have a feeling she's cross with me for being mean to the Ex.

So that was my Monday afternoon, oh and I decided to get my tongue pierced, its more ideal than having my lip done right now because I'm not so sure my boss would agree with it, and well, my mother probably wont notice the tongue piercing. I really do want my lip pierced though.

Monday night I went to the pub quiz and took some photos to prove to my paranoid mother that there are people that like me. She thinks I'm a loner, I'm not, I just don't have LOTs of friends, and most of the friends I do have I made through the Ex and Rockboy.

He came over on tuesday, Rockboy I mean, it was fun although sometimes I get the feeling he'd rather be doin something else. We watched some episodes of the old transformers series, the original series. They're great "Soundwave, prepare the energon cubes!" "Stick it in neutral, Megatron!" *laughs* so funny, so brilliant! They just don't make children's tv like it any more. He was meant to give me my Requiem from the Darkness boxset back but I forgot to mention before he left and so he ran off with it again.

And, he kissed me, again. Stupid boy. Mind you, I didn't complain at the time. It was weird, who follows a kiss with "I see you as a friend, its just that sometimes...I don't know."? He should just refrain from the kissing altogether. He's lucky I didn't mind all that much, I don't question what he does or why he does it any more. One thing I will say though is if I were to kiss all of my "just friends" like that then I think I'd be considered a tad over friendly! *laughs* never mind, s'not a big deal, really. (Edit:// Actually, its been almost a month since the last time *laugh* shame, I ain't here around June 20th...perhaps I should ask him to do a little earlier next month. ROFL *dies laughing*)

I got a letter from my grandpa this tuesday with a Metallica cd in it. He said for me to listen to number eight "Nothing Else Matters" apparently I used to listen to it all of the time when I visited and actually I do vaguely remember it and love it very much. I quite like the whole album actually, which is weird because I never much liked Metallica before. I did used to listen to Ride the Lightning on the way to school because it was so loud that I couldn't hear those who used to bully me, but I was never really much of a fan.

But I like this album, its good. It gets to take pride of place next to my Deftones albums, of which I have all but one. I love the Deftones with a great big love heart! *laugh*

Rargh and I've run out of steam.... *pulls to a stop*.

time to go sleep before I meet a friend for a drink. Mwha, alcohol cures boredom!

Ciao
x

Seventeen Point One

Wed, 14 May 2008 15:32:34 GMT

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, if you're more of a lurker, or if we already know everything about each other.

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.

2) What was your dream growing up?
A.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.

5) Favorite vegetable?
A.

6) What was the last book you read?
A.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.

9) Worst Habit?
A.

10) If you saw me walking down the street, would you offer me a ride?
A.

11) What is your favorite sport?
A.

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.

16) Do you have any pets?
A.

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.

18) What was your first impression of me?
A.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.

22) What color eyes do you have?
A.

23) Ever been arrested?
A.

24) Bottle or can soda?
A.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.

29) Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
A.

30) Do you swear a lot?
A.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.

35) Do you believe in God?
A.

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Seventeen

Wed, 14 May 2008 15:18:07 GMT

Wow. Okay, so today I've been to work and for once it wasn't too bad. The weather's real nice and I think its put me in a good mood despite being stood up yesterday by the intrinsically unreliable Rock Boy.

Was meant to be spending, I don't know, the afternoon? with him. Either way we'd arranged to meet and surprise surprise he texted me five minutes before we were due to meet to tell me he'd accidentally double booked. pssh, its not the first time.

Made me real angry because I'd taken the day off too. Had a good mind to charge him for the wage I missed out on. I kicked the kitchen coffee table in frustration, t'was most amusing as it bounced across the room before the leg snapped off. I had to fix it back together with wood glue.

Took my anger out by losing something like 25 games to 10 on Dead or Alive 3. Couldn't decide if it just made me more angry having my ass kicked like that! -Laugh-

Nevertheless, as always, I forgave his idiocy. I suppose he can't help forgetting something but I was slightly suspicious of the legitimacy of his claim. Never mind.

Either way, all is well with me at the moment despite very rapidly going blind in my left eye! wahey! ;0

~Lilly

Sixteen

Mon, 05 May 2008 21:14:34 GMT

Hmph! Bloody Philosophy of Religion module. We've not learnt anything about the philosophy of religion at all in an entire year and now I'm expected to write a 3000 word essay on the subject. Easy, you say! Perhaps, if the essay made any sense in relation to the bloody module. Piss. Piss. Piss. Piss. Piss. Its due in tomorrow. Have I started it. No. Piss. Piss. Piss. Piss. Piss.

Consolation? I am sat across the way from the Malaysian One. Haven't seen him in ages, and he's just as ace as always.

[some time later]

Piss. This is bloody hard. Fag. Ugh! If it were possible to scream in text and make my pain properly understood then I would. Piss. ::SCREAM:: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! See, that did my agony no justice.

I'm doomed.

Fifteen

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 19:59:22 GMT

Hmmm, have you ever been kissed by someone you really wanted, completely by surprise, for seemingly no apparant reason except "because we had a good evening."? it happened to me, on Friday. Very odd. Totally unexpected. Nice though.

One of those kisses you don't forget about in a hurry and it just as well. Don't think I'll be getting another one like it for a while! :)